“CPAC is known as the place where the future of conservatism always starts,” former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin told this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference audience.  However, the former Alaskan Governor should think twice before raising the roof to Timbuk3.

This year’s insane political circus of feces-throwing politicians showed that after a government shutdown and 50 failed repeals, the GOP is still not over “Obamacare.”

Florida GOP congressional candidate Carlos Curbelo described the Affordable Care Act as “the perfect storm to suppress those that are in most need of jobs and opportunity in this country. Under this law workers are discouraged from seeking the jobs that they need and employers are encouraged to suppress employee hours.”

Actually, I would think congressional Republicans blocking the American Jobs Act, the Teacher and First Responders Back to Work Act and the Veterans Jobs Corps Act of 2012 had a far more negative impact on the job market than healthcare reform.

As covered in my previous entry Jobs, the recent CBO report reads that over the next few years, millions of Americans will have the financial security to quit their jobs they were keeping strictly for the healthcare coverage prior to the ACA (creating new openings in the job market).  In the same report the CBO states: “there is no compelling evidence that part-time employment has increased as a result of the ACA.”

During her speech, Sarah Palin completely misinterpreted Dr. Suess’ classic book, Green Eggs and Ham in a similar manner to that of Ted Cruz during his Obamacare filibuster last year.  I fear the children’s book is above Palin’s reading level, but Cruz finished the story, failing to acknowledge that after the narrator finally tried green eggs and ham (Obamacare), he liked it.

In the same speech, Palin declared: “There is no free birth control.  There is no free phone.”  Naturally, Palin is wrong.  Under the Affordable Care Act, all FDA-approved birth control methods are covered.  I have no idea what the connection is to a free phone, other than Palin is likely referencing the Tea Party “Obamaphone” argument (she doesn’t further explain the comment during her speech).

There is a federal program that offers discounted phones to low-income earners, but it was not started under the Obama administration.  Called Lifeline, the program was launched by the FCC in 1985.  Guess whose administration that was under?

Lifeline expanded to include a cell phone service called Safelink Wireless in 2008, under George W. Bush’s administration.

Dr. Ben Carson made his second appearance at CPAC this year, and also shared his concern for the public and the Affordable Care Act:  “The most important thing they have is their healthcare.  And that is the reason that we need to fight to make sure that stays in their hands and not in the hands of the government.”  I can’t wait to see how this chucklehead handles Medicare.

As someone who has enrolled in a plan on the ACA exchange, the choice was always in my hands.  I chose my plan, provider and even my doctor.

You may remember Carson as one of several conservatives who equated same-sex marriage to bestiality during an interview with Fox’s Sean Hannity last year.  While blaming the “PC Police” and the media for his previous bestiality comment, Carson doubled down like a boss on his intolerance towards the LGBT community:  “Of course, gay people should have the same rights as everyone else, but they don’t get extra rights.”  Those “extra rights” being things like marriage.

Carson’s appearance was just days after Tea Party Patriots Co-Founder Jenny Beth Martin stated during an introduction speech: “We want a country where personal freedom is cherished.  Where all Americans are treated equally so that everyone can pursue the American dream.”  That introduction speech was for Michele Bachmann, a politician who backed an amendment to the Minnesota state constitution banning same-sex marriage. (It failed.)

Bachmann came out swinging against immigration reform. “Our first duty has to be to help our fellow American workers, not lower their wages by rapidly adding millions of unskilled laborers.”  It’s surprising to hear that Bachmann has any concern for the American worker, considering she entertained the possibility of abolishing the minimum wage as a presidential candidate.

Bachmann is simply parroting claims made by fellow Tea Party-backed Senator Mike Lee.   Lee and Bachmann have cherry-picked portions of a CBO report on the bipartisan Gang of Eight’s immigration reform bill.  The report did show a potentially slight decrease in wages of 0.1%, but the specific amount is not the only thing omitted from Lee and Bachmann’s rhetoric.

CBO Director Doug Elmendorf has explained the bill would ultimately lead to an increase in wages over the long term, initially decreasing by 0.1% to increasing to 0.5%.   Elmendorf further explains that the short-term dip may not even have an effect on every worker.  Excellent job on winning back the Hispanic vote, guys.

Of course, these speeches explain why CPAC’s minority outreach panel looked like this.

Unquestionably the greatest challenge facing conservatives today in winning future elections is connecting to minority voters… and nobody showed up for it. But not to worry: the ballroom filled up for the convention’s next speaker, the NRA’s Wayne La Pierre.  Why find a solution to a real issue when you can focus on a manufactured crisis to increase profits for a specific industry?

In February, RNC chairman Reince Priebus responded to the multiple conservative responses to President Obama’s State of the Union address.  “I think that it is a good thing in our party and actually, I think Senator Mike Lee did a great job.  Obviously, Cathy McMorris Rogers did well.  I don’t think it’s a problem at all.  It keeps our party together and people nowadays tune into the news that they want.”  Priebus told Fox New’s Greta Van Susteren.  The most revealing detail of CPAC 2014 was that the Tea Party and the GOP are clearly no longer sharing a bed.  They have gone full Lucy.

Entering the stage to the sounds of Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping” Kentucky Senator Rand Paul’s opening included this libertarian humpfest: “Imagine a time when the White House is once again occupied by a friend of liberty.  You may think I’m talking about electing Republicans…-I ’m not.  I’m talking about electing lovers of liberty.”

Former GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum didn’t hold back his frustration during his Friday appearance:  “We’re told that we have to put aside what we believe is in the best interest of the country so a Republican candidate can win,” Santorum told the crowd. “Now that may result in a win for a Republican candidate, but it will be a devastating loss for America. I don’t know about you, but I’m not out here fighting just to elect Republican candidates and let them win, I’m here to see America win.”

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin bit the hand that originally fed her.  “I do believe that the eyes of America are open.  Unfortunately though, some would just want you to hit the snooze button and roll back over.  Like ‘hush America, go back to sleep little lambs, go back to sleep, close those eyes.’  Some of these folks are in the GOP establishment.”   Palin’s going to cut an establishment, bitch.

Early in her speech, Palin told the crowd, “If you love your freedom, thank a vet!”  She later went on to encourage the audience to continue supporting Tea Party Senators Mike Lee and Ted Cruz, both of whom recently voted against the Veterans’ Affairs bill.

Another politician to whom Palin gave a shout out was Texas Representative Louie Gohmert.  Gohmert recently announced plans to launch a new PAC to protect Tea Party Republicans from establishment Republicans.

“There’s a war against the Tea Party.  There’s a war against conservatives, we’re told.  If somebody declares war on me I’m just not going to lie down and take it.  I’m going to fight.”  The “terror babies” advocate told The Daily Caller.  To quote Elton John: “Can you feel the love tonight?”